How does one truly know when they are healed from past hurts? I’ve heard people say if a person can touch you in that area, and not get a reaction from you then you’re healed. But are you healed or just desensitized from the pain? Experts will share self-help remedies to free yourself, and find the path to forgiveness. But again I ask how do you really know that you’ve healed? Once you’ve followed the expert’s step by step instructions then what? Are you then free? If you google this question the things that come up are self-help remedies; how to forgive etc. but no one says how you know that all has been forgiven. How do you know that you don’t still have residue from the pain? Residue that is hiding in your body like rotten mold that has gone on undetected for years.
In life many of us experience disappointments and extreme trauma. Unforeseen pain that blindsides us is like an unknown attacker whose lurking in the woods, awaiting the perfect time to pounce on us. To me it is the unexpected that causes the greatest pain. These experiences scar us in such a way that we consciously, or often times unconsciously try and protect ourselves for whatever may come next. No longer do we run in the park with that innocent childlike freedom. The wind no longer blows carelessly through our hair. We can’t seem to fully enjoy the beautiful moments as the warm sun beams on our faces, because in the back of our mind we know at every turn danger may be lurking in the shadows.
Years ago I went through a very tragic experience, an experience from a love that left me devastated. I spent nights in the dark crying for months, crying until I was physically exhausted. I could barely drag my corpse like body from the living room floor to bed each night. The pain and grief had totally consumed me, they were tag teaming me and I was losing. The pain was so intense that I desperately wanted to end it all. The betrayal I’d experienced from someone I loved and trusted had me shattered like a delicate piece of glass. I wasn’t even in the state of mind where I could begin to try and pick up the pieces. I was still in disbelief that he could toss me aside like a candy wrapper. At that point every man I ran into was guilty by association; I hated the very sight of his kind! To me they were all a bunch of liars and cheaters. It took years, years as I attempted to move on to heal. I hadn’t even begun to think about forgiveness because I hadn’t done anything. I was the injured party in all of this. In Slip and fall accidents, does the victim pay the person responsible for their fall? No, and that was how I felt. For years I went on hating his guts. As the years went on my hate for him begin to dwindle, I just no longer cared. Once I thought I was healed enough I began to date again. It was during this time that I realized just how much more healing needed to be done. The experts always say forgiving is for you, to free you so with that I began to try. Of course as you are trying to heal from traumas life doesn’t stop, and oftentimes other hurts are added along the way. So after some more years had passed I finally believed I was totally healed. I’d forgiven, I had followed all the required steps, and there had even been a lot of time that had gone by to help heal the wounds. I also had another disappointing set back, but I kept moving forward.
Two years later I find myself in one of the most rewarding relationships that I’ve ever had in my entire life; I let my guard down and let love and all of its beauty shine in. I now feel that all the pain and suffering were worth it, because it all got me to this place. This beautiful place of love, acceptance and most importantly trust. From my view things are amazing and we have a bright future together. It’s not until I begin to look at myself, really look at myself that I realize my head believes this. My head believes in all the dreams and goals that we’re planning to strive for together. My head believes that we will walk down the aisle and become man and wife. It took me some time to realize that my heart doesn’t. My heart has aborted the promises and words whispered to it. It’s like hardened soil. I’m protecting myself without even being aware. My heart believes if I don’t receive the seed, then I won’t be crushed when it doesn’t bring about any crops; but if you’re heart isn’t at least soft enough to receive the seed you will never even know. I’m taking a 50/50 chance, but I have to at least try right? If I don’t I’ll never know.
In my mind I’m still that young woman who has just picked up all the pieces of her broken heart, I’ve glued them back together. I’m looking around at what was a mess and everything now is back into place, I’m feeling very proud of my accomplishment. However what I’ve failed to notice was the guard I’d hired to now protect it. He wouldn’t allow anyone inside the exhibit, they would have to view it in all of its splendor from the lobby. I realized that because of the grave disappointments in my past I’ve made my best friend and lover guilty by association; after all he is a man right? And yes he is but that doesn’t make him guilty of someone else’s charges; charges I was for sure I had long ago dropped.
So as you see I don’t know the answer to the question, how do you truly know that you’ve been healed? All I can do is keep working on it. Even though it may be hard, and the mere notion of yet another disappointment is crippling just at the thought. I have to trust him on who he is. It’s not fair to try him in a courtroom when there is no evidence against him, in fact I don’t even have a case just a bunch of what ifs.
In life many of us experience disappointments and extreme trauma. Unforeseen pain that blindsides us is like an unknown attacker whose lurking in the woods, awaiting the perfect time to pounce on us. To me it is the unexpected that causes the greatest pain. These experiences scar us in such a way that we consciously, or often times unconsciously try and protect ourselves for whatever may come next. No longer do we run in the park with that innocent childlike freedom. The wind no longer blows carelessly through our hair. We can’t seem to fully enjoy the beautiful moments as the warm sun beams on our faces, because in the back of our mind we know at every turn danger may be lurking in the shadows.
Years ago I went through a very tragic experience, an experience from a love that left me devastated. I spent nights in the dark crying for months, crying until I was physically exhausted. I could barely drag my corpse like body from the living room floor to bed each night. The pain and grief had totally consumed me, they were tag teaming me and I was losing. The pain was so intense that I desperately wanted to end it all. The betrayal I’d experienced from someone I loved and trusted had me shattered like a delicate piece of glass. I wasn’t even in the state of mind where I could begin to try and pick up the pieces. I was still in disbelief that he could toss me aside like a candy wrapper. At that point every man I ran into was guilty by association; I hated the very sight of his kind! To me they were all a bunch of liars and cheaters. It took years, years as I attempted to move on to heal. I hadn’t even begun to think about forgiveness because I hadn’t done anything. I was the injured party in all of this. In Slip and fall accidents, does the victim pay the person responsible for their fall? No, and that was how I felt. For years I went on hating his guts. As the years went on my hate for him begin to dwindle, I just no longer cared. Once I thought I was healed enough I began to date again. It was during this time that I realized just how much more healing needed to be done. The experts always say forgiving is for you, to free you so with that I began to try. Of course as you are trying to heal from traumas life doesn’t stop, and oftentimes other hurts are added along the way. So after some more years had passed I finally believed I was totally healed. I’d forgiven, I had followed all the required steps, and there had even been a lot of time that had gone by to help heal the wounds. I also had another disappointing set back, but I kept moving forward.
Two years later I find myself in one of the most rewarding relationships that I’ve ever had in my entire life; I let my guard down and let love and all of its beauty shine in. I now feel that all the pain and suffering were worth it, because it all got me to this place. This beautiful place of love, acceptance and most importantly trust. From my view things are amazing and we have a bright future together. It’s not until I begin to look at myself, really look at myself that I realize my head believes this. My head believes in all the dreams and goals that we’re planning to strive for together. My head believes that we will walk down the aisle and become man and wife. It took me some time to realize that my heart doesn’t. My heart has aborted the promises and words whispered to it. It’s like hardened soil. I’m protecting myself without even being aware. My heart believes if I don’t receive the seed, then I won’t be crushed when it doesn’t bring about any crops; but if you’re heart isn’t at least soft enough to receive the seed you will never even know. I’m taking a 50/50 chance, but I have to at least try right? If I don’t I’ll never know.
In my mind I’m still that young woman who has just picked up all the pieces of her broken heart, I’ve glued them back together. I’m looking around at what was a mess and everything now is back into place, I’m feeling very proud of my accomplishment. However what I’ve failed to notice was the guard I’d hired to now protect it. He wouldn’t allow anyone inside the exhibit, they would have to view it in all of its splendor from the lobby. I realized that because of the grave disappointments in my past I’ve made my best friend and lover guilty by association; after all he is a man right? And yes he is but that doesn’t make him guilty of someone else’s charges; charges I was for sure I had long ago dropped.
So as you see I don’t know the answer to the question, how do you truly know that you’ve been healed? All I can do is keep working on it. Even though it may be hard, and the mere notion of yet another disappointment is crippling just at the thought. I have to trust him on who he is. It’s not fair to try him in a courtroom when there is no evidence against him, in fact I don’t even have a case just a bunch of what ifs.