Why is everything in life based on a time schedule? People often set their goals based on specific timeframes. You often hear “I want to make partner by the time I’m 30." "I want to get married and have kids before my 25th birthday." "I need to buy my first house before I’m 30." "I want to make my first million by 35.” Why do our goals in life seem to be based on a very specific timeframe? But what happens when your goals and dreams are not achieved in the time frame that you have set forth? If you don’t make partner by the time you’re 30, does that somehow diminish the achievement? If you accomplish it when you’re 31 or even 40? Is it less valuable? What if you have your first child at 45 instead of 25? Are you still not overjoyed at finding out your pregnant? Some women would answer this and say no, but I truly believe if you really have a strong desire to be a mother that you will excitedly embrace the gift of life. Does creating timelines set us up for disappointment? Would life be more joyful and less frustrating if we just went with the flow?
As a teenage girl I wanted nothing more than to be married by the time I turned twenty. This year I turned 38 and it’s yet to occur. The fact that I’m still unmarried tortured me for the last seventeen plus years. I went through hurtful relationships that left me damaged when marriage was not the way the story ended. I often questioned my worth. Why wasn’t I good enough for someone to want to spend their life with? Was I to be the forever dater? It was very painful as I watched year after year pass with no promising suitors on the horizon! During the seventeen years I never really enjoyed the time for what it was. I never just dated to date, to have a good time. I didn’t enjoy being wined and dined just to get to know someone, to truly just enjoy their company. Everything I did was with the intention of getting married. I now feel like I wasted a lot of time.
Over four years ago I met “The one.” We’ve discussed our plans surrounding marriage, but the fact that we have yet to “Tie the knot” has been a very sore spot in our relationship. In my mind we should have been married some time ago, after all I’m seventeen years behind schedule! But if I know our goal is to be married one day why is this such a sore spot? Can I not relax in knowing that it will happen, or must a date and time be set?
Where is the line drawn between just living and enjoying the moment, or allowing another person to take you for granted? Are you allowing their hopes, dreams and desires to take the forefront while yours is on the backburner? Often times when it comes to marriage women can be illogical. We don’t’ want to really think about if the man of our dreams can afford a ring, a wedding or anything we just want it to happen, damn the rest. This is often unfair to the men. Everyone is not born with a silver spoon in their mouth. Every man can’t finance a 5,000 ring, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or want to spend the rest of his life with you. He may very well want to buy you that 5,000 but it’s going to take some time… time that we often have none to give.
For me I had been so disappointed that it hadn’t happened yet that I placed that responsibility on him. I felt that he should make up for the time I already spent waiting, but honestly what does he have to do with that? How is that fair to him? He walks in the door and I place the burden of my disappointment on his back… but it has nothing to do with him. I’m trying to learn to enjoy the moment, but with being a planner it’s pretty difficult to do. The constant questions from family and friends wondering when things are going to progress, only add stress to the mind that feels it’s been waiting long enough. If he truly loves you he WILL marry you, you have to know the guy that you are dealing with. If he is a man of his word and proves this to you time and time again, then you have to trust that he will come through. If he is honest and loyal and trustworthy sit back and relax knowing that it will happen when it is supposed to happen.