I’m having such a difficult time moving past this. It seems like now more than ever all I see is pregnant bellies and babies, and it’s like someone is waving a flag at me reminding me at every turn that this is something I may not be able to do. I feel that my fight and resolve to keep moving forward is leaving me. Most times I just continue to move on as if nothing has happened, or is that really what I do? Am I oblivious to my own feelings about possibly not being able to conceive? Have I avoided and ignored all of this for so long that I really don’t realize just how much it affects me? How far in denial am I? Last night I lay in bed crying as I watched the show the Tankards, seeing the beautiful new baby and the additions on the way tears me a part but finally I drift off to sleep. As I awaken this morning the hurt, sadness and pure exhaustion seeps into my soul before I can even fully open my eyes. The tears begin to form, I feel like I’m running in place and going nowhere. My life seems to be at a standstill, no movement, no improvement despite my efforts I’m just stuck here.
AuthorI'm a hopeless romantic who is totally in love with love! I'm on a journey to become the best me I can be, and enjoy every single day of my life. Archives
April 2016
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